2Ls - Having been in the school for an entire 9 months, they are omniscient about all things law school. Most spent 1L year as ugly caterpillars in chrysalides, but once the new class sets foot on campus, the 2Ls emerge as beautiful social butterflies, all inexplicably in the top 10% of their class and filled with ancient Zen wisdom. Be sure to take all of their completely conflicting advice about how to study, which professors are good, and which incredibly expensive supplements you can buy from them that you'll never use. Additionally, you must accept every crappy outline they chuck at you as canon law, and NEVER share it with other people, because God knows what would happen then.

3Ls - They've done their time. Two years of such grueling tasks as "reading," "writing papers," and "trivia nights" represent the most difficult challenges ever faced; now they feel comfortable just picking yesterday's meal out of their beards and waiting for their degree. And they only have to pay $45,000 a year not to go to class.

LSSS - More often referred to as the LSPPC (Law School Party Planning Committee), this bastion of informed governance has given a vigorous voice to progressive change on campus through brave, groundbreaking actions such as "Bar Crawls" and "Beard Contests" (sometimes, fair reader, the truth is the best satire). Once debated for two days straight on whether or not to pass a resolution expressing support of the existence of LSSS.

Orientation Week - This is the exciting time as a 1L where you make many new friends, and then promptly never talk to them again after you find your "real" friends.
ABCD - Apparently, these people exist.

EFGH - Once referred to as "Every F-ing Gunner Here," this moniker is now completely unfair. Instead, the number of gunners in this section has swelled beyond classroom capacity, and now EFGH outsources some of its gunners to the other sections.

IJKL - An abomination in God's eyes. Let them be anathema. Two boils for each and every student's putrid gall bladder.

MNOP - If you like having an unhealthy obsession with your Legal Practice professor and never talking with anyone outside of your section, this is the place for you.

Reading Room - A place where the love of the law, and the noise of all bodily functions, echoes on for centuries. Voted "Best Place to Pick Up a Lawyer Husband" by the sisters of Delta Delta Delta.

Subs - Has anyone wondered what would happen if you just took twenty huge reporters through the detectors and booked it out of there? Does the sign saying "Please return to the distribution desk on S-2" have magical powers? Would the vacuous undergrad tackle you? Would the octogenarian professional grouches taze you? Also voted "Best Place to Have a Guy Masturbate In Front of You" by the sisters of Delta Delta Delta.

Outlines - A widely-held belief in the law school is that the length of your outline corresponds to the length of your...exam answer. Outline creators have such high opinions of themselves that they believe a bullet-pointed, flow-charted god-awful horror show presented to a slack-jawed 1L is equivalent to the cracking of the ULTRA code in World War II. One such outline creator swore the reporter to secrecy, and I sent it to no one; on the day of the exam, most of the class had the same one.

Student groups - With the recent creation of RBLSA--Resume Boosting Law Students Association--the cover has pretty much been blown on these. Generally, they elect people to bizarre sinecures like "1L Bestiality Rep" and "Grand Moff Tarkin," and then never meet again. Occasionally they'll have a meeting in which the aforementioned 2Ls dispense job advice (read: interpretive dance moves about working in some place you'll never want to work) and chuck some Jimmy John's into the crowd.

Dean Caminker - He works here doing something. I'll investigate further, but current rumor has it he spends his days stroking a removable Fu Manchu while reading sheep entrails and plotting his next move against his nemesis, Dean Robert "Funktastic" Post, of Yale Law. However, if you're a student with an issue or complaint, he's away indefinitely, and you should go talk to one of the Banes of Students, Baum or Gregory.

Deans Baum and Gregory - Important roles include casting the tiebreaking vote when Dean Caminker disagrees with himself and flinging over body grenades intended for him.

Law school construction - With the recent hiring of Yertle the Turtle as construction manager, the project is moving forward in leaps and bounds and should be completed in time for the bicentennial celebration. Apparently the time is being cut in half through such revolutionary ideas as "work" and "doing construction directly in students' ear canals during class."

Attractive single people at Michigan Law- Your search for "attractive single people at Michigan Law" did not match any results. Did you mean "plain, desperate people"?

Zach at least has the decency to go to a carrel when he quietly and discreetly touches himself inappropriately in the subs. He can be reached at rg@umich.edu.